Walking your head
Let’s talk dogs first
What do you see when people (or you) are walking their dog? Some dogs have a tendency to almost dislocate the arm of their owners when they are on a leash and see a cat they want to chase. Others flee or freeze when they get scarred, not paying any attention to their owner anymore. Some dogs are being dragged when going out for a walk. Others have the tendency to run off and explore the world by themselves, only to come back when they feel like it. Some focus on every distraction but the goal. Others keep running in circles and other dogs just like to play with everyone they meet.
However, some people and their dogs are a real team, completely tuned into each other. The owner can tell from the dogs behaviour if it’s feeling well and what it needs. In addition, the dog senses how its owner and pack are doing, what they need and follows exactly what they ask. Both do their best to meet the need of the other. Play, rest, work, eat, … at the right time. Whatever that time is.
What walking your head could look like
Now… what if you would replace dog with head in these first sentences? Your head being in the lead, running around in circles, running off to chase a goal, in a freeze when scared, busy with everything but the goal… My head was my go to for years. Being trained at Mechanical Engineering at University, hardly trusting my body (at primary school the last one chosen with sports class, not helping I can tell you that) and didn’t learn how to deal with feelings like anger, fear, sadness, shame when I was young. I was literally walking my head, to chase deadlines, goals etc. being tough on myself aiming high, afraid to fail and comparing myself with others.
It took me, let’s say, the first 26 years of my life starting to really realize I actually have a body. That’s when I started to discover as well, step by step, my feelings and energy, and later my thoughts and beliefs (yes, back to my head). I started to learn how I can benefit from actually listening, dealing with their needs and building a team. And I’m loving it! So, please join me to explore going from walking your head to building a team with your head, body, feelings and energy.
Three steps you could explore, to go from walking your head to building a team
You might wonder, why would I want to start building or maybe improve my team with my head, body, feelings and energy? What could my life be like if I would start building a tuned in team? Like the well trained owner and dog? If you think about it. A well lubricated team can achieve much more than all members separately. Like a flock of starlings flying the most wonderful patterns in the evening sky or a top athlete becoming world champion with the support of his/her team.
Results your team might achieve could sound like: you focus better, improve your sleeping, make choices faster, know what you want and go for it, invest energy and time in things that are really important to you, experience less stress, finish your project, enjoy your life, … etc? Sounds pretty good right? It’s up to you to find out which results fit with your team. Here are some steps you might want to explore to get there.
Step 1: Start exploring the talents and language of your body, head, feelings and energy
If you don’t know your own language, talents, signs, needs etc, how can you expect other people to understand you? And… how to start understanding yourself? You can find some ideas below. Feel free to pick what suits you, use it as an inspiration, create something yourself, try it, keep or lose it. Whatever you do: don’t believe what I’m writing here, explore for yourself!
Let’s go on an adventure inside
Explore what’s happening in your body, head, feelings and energy in different situations, the ‘good’ and the ‘bad’. Both will give you indications of the talent, energy and quality of your different team members. Find out: what do I think, what do I tell myself, where does my breath go, what happens with and in my body, what emotions or feelings do I have, where does my energy go, what behavior do I have, what do I do? Do I freeze, fight, flight? You do not need to do anything with it yet (or start analyzing), just explore and note (you might want to read Leef of overleef je? Van overlevingsstrategie naar vrijheid, twee routes in Dutch).
As an example, I didn’t learn how to deal with feelings like sadness, shame, anger and fear when I was young. With dealing with I mean: feeling, acknowledging, finding the root cause and expressing them. Some of my coping mechanisms were (and sometimes still are) suppressing my feelings, running away from them by eating, or trying to finish my chronically optimistic to-do-today lists. My language and signs: my head starts making overtime analyzing, my breath goes higher and faster and my body feels pain in e.g. my heart, my stomach. A lot of my energy goes to these feelings and related processes as you probably can imagine, where I could use it for something I’d love to do or achieve as well…
Step 2: What are the needs of your team?
Now you might want to ask yourself what do I want to achieve with my team? What do we need and start fulfilling these needs. Notice what happens with your other team members if you address the need of one of them. Be aware though, to check if, taking a piece of chocolate, a glass of wine, a cigarette, drugs, netflixing, gaming is something you actually need or is more like an escape. A way to deal with stress or low energy.
Some of many tips you might like to explore to address the needs of:
Your head
- being strong and you find yourself stuck in your head. Get moving, one way or the other. Go outside for a walk, run. Make the phone call, make a decision, ask for help, do what you need to get moving.
- making overtime. Slow down… Especially before bed time. Check in with your body, your breath… Notice where your breath is. Start with breathing out. Explore what it does. You might also want to check out this exercise.
- telling you things that are not helping, plus you believe them… Can you take one of these beliefs and transform it into a positive, short, first person and empowering belief? Yes? Great! Repeat this belief at least four times a day, to yourself in the mirror and explore what this does.
Your body
giving signs of anxiety or tension inside. Here are some possibilities you might want to check: find out where it’s coming from and deal with it (phone call, say no, trauma work, whatever), release it with breathwork, go into nature, take a massage, do some sports like yoga, take a sauna or a rest
Your emotions or feelings
- being suppressed, might help to start releasing them bit by bit. Like you do before removing the lid off a pressure cooker. Breathing out and releasing, then in.
- being rough and tough, really nice and everything in between. Just being with the emotions and feelings you have, accepting and feeling them, is very interesting to explore. Find out what’s underneath. If it’s hard for you to accept them, it might be interesting to find out why. Discover if and how acceptance helps you.
- being in a moment of gratitude you created yourself. Feeling grateful for small and bigger things like doing your first push-up (yes!), releases the happiness hormone Serotonin and reduces the stress hormone Cortisol. This has a positive effect on your entire team basically.
Your energy
And where is it going? Is your energy high or low, grounded or all over the place? Your energy flows where your focus goes. What makes you happy? And how much time did you spend today on things you really enjoy?
These are just some tips you can start exploring. The beginning of a tool kit to build your team and become more present.
Step 3: Keep on training and exploring
Becoming a team in which each member uses his/her talent takes time, energy, possibly money and in the first place the decision to make the team important. Train, rise and fall, reflect, get up again and move forward. Just like learning to ride a bike, or building a relationship with your dog. Create time and space for this. Take small steps, be gentle, not soft though and keep on moving. This helps you building a feeling of success and confidence. Oh and it would be great if you could enjoy this adventure of self-exploration as well. Looking forward to discovering the next point of interest. Having fun makes things much easier right and sharing is caring.
So find people who are on a similar path and would like to travel together for a while. Share and grow. Ask someone to help you, asking questions like: ‘what’s happening with you right now’? Or find a guide, someone who masters the skill you would love to have for example, or someone who has been there already.
Conclusion
So… from walking your head to building a team with your head, body, feelings and energy is not a quick fix, haha. It takes an investment of time, energy and possibly money. First acknowledging each team member and his/her energy, talent and quality; start learning each other’s language; fulfill the needs of your team and its members … then just keep on playing, training and exploring. Be curious about the results you are achieving, the changes you experience. Find people who like to travel together for a while on your path and make sure you enjoy this adventure as well. Who knows what exciting view points this road will take you to!
If you would like to read more or like information on how you could work on this with us? Please take a look at www.leefenlief.nl (in Dutch) for an individual trajectory or a training in a group. Check out liveyourheartschool.com (in Dutch) for individual video training you can do in your own time. And feel free to get in touch via linda@leefenlief.nl, +31-6-12312189 (Dutch, English, German).
Looking forward to your additional tips to address the needs of your team and to your reaction!